Memoir Complexities

*Excerpt from The Glass Castle by Jeannette Walls Chapter 2 The Desert p.59-62

“I didn’t. Instead I became fascinated with it. Dad Also thought I should face down my enemy, and he showed me how to pass my finger through a candle flame. I did it over and over, slowing my finger with each pass, watching the way it seemed to cut the flame in half, testing to see how much my finger could endure without actually getting burned. I was always looking for bigger fires. Whenever neighbors burned trash, I ran over and watched the blaze trying to escape the garbage can. I’d inch closer and closer, feeling the heat against my face until it got so near that it became unbearable, and then I’d back away just enough to be able to stand it.

The neighbor lady who had driven me to the hospital was surprised that I didn't run the opposite direction from any fire I saw. ‘Why the hell would she?” dad bellowed with a proud grin. ‘She already fought the fire once and won.’

I started stealing matches from dad. I’d go behind the trailer and light them. I loved the scratching sound of the match against the sandpapery brown strip when I struck it, and the way the flame leaped out of the red-coated tip with a pop and a hiss. I’d feel its heat near my fingertips, then wave it out triumphantly. I lit pieces of paper and little piles of brush and held my breath until the moment when they seemed to blaze out of control. Then I’d stomp on the flames and call out the curse words Dad used, like ‘dumb-ass sonofabitch!’ and ‘Cocksucker!’

One time I went out back with my favorite toy, a plastic Tinkerbell figurine. She was two inches tall, with yellow hair pulled up in a high ponytail and her hands on her hips in a confident, cocky way that I admired. I lit a match and held it close to Tinkerbell’s face to show her how it felt. She looked even more beautiful in the flame’s glow. When that match went out, I lit another one, and this time I held it really close to Tinkerbell’s face. Suddenly, her eyes grew wide, as if with fear; I realized, to my horror, that her face was starting to melt. I put out the match, but it was too late. Tinkerbell’s once perfect little nose had completely disappeared, and her saucy red lips had been replaced with an ugly, lopsided smear. I tried to smooth her features back the way they had been, but I made them even worse. Almost immediately, her face cooled and hardened again. I put bandages on it. I wished I could perform a skin graft on Tinkerbell, but that would have meant cutting her into pieces. Even though her face was melted, she was still my favorite toy.”

Response:

This excerpt from the memoir The Glass Castle by Jeannette Walls represents complexity within Wall's story. The complexity is represented by the disconnect between the author's prideful tone and the actual story one is reading. "I’d feel its heat near my fingertips, then wave it out triumphantly." (Walls) this quote is representative of the authors pride in accomplishment; she is in control of something within her life something so absent from her childhood, choice. Walls' obsession of fire, no different from any other child, is unique within the circumstances of her life. Having "already fought the fire" as her dad would would say, The logical step it to conquer her fear. The oddity within this passage is the almost obsession over fire Walls has. "I started stealing matches from dad. I’d go behind the trailer and light them. I loved the scratching sound of the match against the sandpapery brown strip when I struck it, and the way the flame leaped out of the red-coated tip with a pop and a hiss." (Walls). This eloquent description of lighting a match and the feeling the author has when doing so represents the power this memory had and still has over her. The matches, the fire, represent freedom and personal control. The innocence of a child curious with fire masks a powerful personal experience that represents a glimpse of freedom of choice for the young Walls. The complexity is the two interpretations of this well written passage, the adult and the child, one in the same.